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20things : motivation routine waking sleeping
1. At 6:35, my brain turns on. This is the absolute latest it has turned itself on in months. This is how late I sleep, and I have no reason to get up this early. This is off-time, healing time. I...
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And
[click to enlarge]InterjectionI'm halfway sad today but there was a reason for it. This morning I finally canceled Ravi's pet insurance. I left the microchip registration open. The end.
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20 things : boxes, again
1. Last night I had a nightmare. We were in a plane going somewhere exotic like Morocco.2. There was no cockpit door and I was right in the front so I could see and hear the pilot.3. He had no...
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paintsperiment
Hopes and ExpectationsSo I used to do a lot of these when I lived in Ohio --hybrid digital collage / paintings which I simply refer to as paintings. This morning was the first time I felt like doing...
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Leaving for Boston in a Snowstorm and I remember
When I was 13 walking through the woods with a friend. She dodged all the bare branches that stretched from the thin tree trunks and blocked our path. I wanted to move as fast as she did, but the...
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Talking to the blind eye
So I wrote this poem based on three things:1) I was charmed at AWP by a panel called something like Readings and Performances in Digital Media which featured, among other things, a guy who wrote perl...
View Article20things : Not Again
1. Not again is what I thought when I tore off a corner of the thick yellow envelope and carefully pulled apart the seam.2. There had been an email alert that a new document was coming.3. It contains...
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20things : movement
1) Have had extreme bouts of anxiety wherein I haven't been eating.2) And then I don't sleep and then I sleep a lot.3) And then I throw out more stuff.4) And then I donate more stuff. 5) And then I...
View Article20things : faint
1) Yesterday morning while packing I fainted very, very briefly.2) This is not normal.3) Only one other time has this happened to me4) [the first time I was a teenager and very sick].5) And it was like...
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20things : word / cave
1) Sometimes there is a cave where I go.2) Or rather, where I am put.3) Where I put myself?4) It swallows all light, all sound, all thought.5) And all my sleep.6) I sit there at the back of it.7) Words...
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20things : odd farewells
1. So I've gotten emotional over this whole house / history / house story aspect of moving. 2. I have a lot of narrative that took place here; it makes me unexpectedly emotional.3. And a lot of stuff...
View Article20things : moving / seven years / and
1) All winter my cheeks were windlashed and wet.2) After this winter I determined I no longer look good w/o makeup.3) My face has these red flaky areas over my cheekbones. And lots of bumps and...
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20things : Alterations
20things : Alterations1) Yesterday and all week I have been overfilled with anxiety of transition. We have done so much. We have so much to do.2) When Mike came home he asked if there was anything he...
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20 things : losses and gains
1. I've been out awhile, and struggled with how to tell people exactly why, and what I've been up to, and when I should come back to blogging, if at all.2. The other day a friend told me she missed my...
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20 things : loose pages, gathered
1. The reading went smashingly on Saturday night.2. I'm actually grateful to my angst for motivating me to prepare well instead of putting off or ignoring preparation.3. Afterward I did the feared...
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In almost quite but not really publishing news...
So a press, I'm not sure I'm allowed to say which one, what is the etiquette here b/c the email was private? let me know that my MS placed as a semi-finalist in their first-second book award contest....
View Article20 things : Opposite Action ftw / wtf
1. So, opposite action is a DBT concept wherein, even (or especially) if all one's emotions are screaming that one does a behavior that isn't helpful, one does the opposite behavior.2. I realize that...
View ArticleWater and No Water
When I was a kid living in rural eastern PA, we had a well. As a child, I didn't really understand the mechanism of the well, just that it was underground and through a series of pumps and pipes,...
View Article20 things : what to do with the dead
1. My mom's death day (like the opposite of birthday) is coming up on Saturday.2. I am looking for distractions.3. The first person whom I asked an opinion about distractions said that I should think...
View Article20 things : the group
1. I feel such a sense of relief, having experienced the first iteration of the Survivors of Suicide support group last night.2. I was worried that the group was only going to be heavy, crushing,...
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20 things : Radical acceptance is going to drive me more crazy rather than...
1. I was riding the bus home (of course?). The second leg of the ultra-annoying-because-it's-cold-and-two-buses-early-morning-Tuesday-yoga commute. 2. I felt rather centered. 3. Plus, I'd been in...
View Article20 things : Positivity
So for those of you who read my blog and think that I've fallen into an abyss of morbid reflection... you may be right. However, DBT is all about the "and." Simultaneously acting on behalf of your...
View ArticleDonne said that no man is an island
Recently a friend wrote this sentence in an email to me: "I used to be a HUGE oversharer before social media was a thing." I thought about social media. Lots of people just put up pictures of their...
View Articlewalking on spiderwebs, or cage / page / stage / rage
I live caged gently in charts. Little black grids on white pieces of paper. Or black marker on a white board. I write in tally marks, numbers, skill descriptors. I write in red pen. These grids contain...
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